Dear Oprah,

When you are unemployed, you watch ALOT of television. I don't know if anyone noticed this, but t.v. in the day is different than Primetime. It is a wierd world of psychology and fashion, dominated by this Oprah person that claims to be "Every Woman." I think what she meant to say is that she has the income of every woman. So, I had to send her this letter hitting her up for money.

Dear Oprah,

I had the opportunity to watch your show the other day, and I must say that I am very impressed. You really capture what it is like to be a woman in todays day and age.

As you may have guessed, I am not actually a woman, but I do know many of women, and have even talked to them about emotions, underwear, and other things that they enjoy. I feel like watching your show has made me understand women more, and I would really appreciate it if you would send me $10,000 so that I can show a few women how much I appreciate them by taking them out to supper, buying them drinks, and other related costs that may occur.

Thanks in advance,

J-roc