J-rocs place

Messing with a Nigerian Scammer

2012-01-29T06:40:00.001-08:00

So, it seems that people in Nigeria seem to think that we are all idiots.... or maybe they just think that Americans are idiots and can't tell the difference. Well, it seems that they are starting to learn a lesson about that, because people like me are starting to mess with them and teach them a lesson that they will never forget. Here is the first of many emails from me messing with email scammers:

-----Original Message----- From: Prince Subject: To Your Kind Attention.........Confidential Dear Sir/Madam, I will like to use this medium to introduce myself to you properly. My name is Prince Adam, and my little Sister Name is Princess Mariam we are a citizen of Sudan, and we are now residing here in Accra Ghana Africa,presently of which we came to claim our inheritance. we came to Accra Ghana for a purpose and a mission which we would want you to partake in it also because of the rising situation that came up during my our stay here in Accra Ghana. We are from a family of three (3) comprises of two boys and a girl, but unfortunately for me and my little sister we lost the rest siblings of my family together with our father in Sudan during the conflict (civil war). our Father died as a result of an attack on his life by the rebel’s leader who invaded in late 2005. our Late Father was the former personal assistant to the Minister of Mines, Works and Energy before he was killed, and also before he became working for the Government of our Country Sudan, he was dealing on sales of Gold and Diamonds/Cattles of which he got his Fame as a Gold and Diamond/Cattles Merchant in our country. This is why we have to contact you, before the death of our late father he came to deposit a Trunk Box of money containing $8.Million US. Dollars. which he got from the sales of his Gold and Diamonds/Cattles and he package this money into a Metallic Trunk Box After he had deposited the Box with the Security Company here in Accra Ghana Called (Germini Insurance Security Company Ghana) he was been issued some Legal documents and he handed over the same documents to me as his NEXT of KIN. We want you to help us as our foreign beneficiary to claim the Box containing the money and. The reason for us asking you to help us is that our late father undertakes an agreement with the Security Company that unless we provide a foreign beneficiary /partner, the Company should not release the Trunk Box to us. So You have to help us to invest the money because we have thought about it our self and we have come to a conclusion, that we will give you (30% Percent) of the total sum of the money of $8.Million US Dollars for your great assistance to us as our foreign beneficiary to claim the Box,and not only that you are going to invest the rest into a good Business of yours as our Beneficiary. We would like you to get back to us with your information because we will like to send you all the legal documents covering this great transaction to you, so that you will have all the legal documents in your care as our foreign beneficiary to claim the Box and so that you can contact the Security Company for them to release and deliver the box to you as our foreign beneficiary/partner. I wait for your kindest reply so this transaction could be facilitated easily. God Bless You Prince Adam /Mariam. (princeadam101@gmx.com)

From: Joe

To: princeadam101@gmx.com

Subject: Re: To Your Kind Attention.........Confidential

I think I can help you. What do I need to do? You will give me 30% upon my helping you?

Dear Joe,


Thank you very much for your respond in this transaction,first of all i will like you to give me and my little sister the go ahead to be calling you dad since we have no  one to call dad  ok?

Please this is what i need you to do for us,i and my little sister want you  to stand for us as  our  foreign beneficiary to contact the security company which our one metalic trunk box is been deposited,this one metalic trunk box was deposited with this security company call GERMINI INSURANCE SECURITY COMPANY by our late father call Mr Ibrahim Musa and the box contain the sum of $8.million us Dollar inside the box and some gold and diamond.

Please we beg you with the name of the almighty to please help us,because since the death of our parent we have been in the refugee camp living from hand to mouth so this why we contacted you to come  to our aid and rescue us out of this condition so that we can live a better life with you ok,please i also want you to know that every thing about this transaction is 100% assurance my late father handed over all the legal Documents been issue to him by the security company and he handed over all the legal Documents to me as his  next of kin,so i have all this as a prove to you.

Please what you need  to do now  is get back to us with your contact details,like you full name,cell phone number,your state of origin and your occupation,then we will furnish you the contact details of the security  company so that you can contact and tell them you are our beneficiary to receive the one metallic trunk box ok,please we really need your urgent respond in this matter,please you can rich us true this number as well is 00233-543-205-218

As for the 30% you have no problem,but all we need is your trust please promise us a good care taking ok,because the rest balance will all be in your care as our beneficiary and you can invest it into any good  business of your choice. please we wait to hear from you with your details?

We love you. Yours Prince/Princess

From: Joe

To: Prince Musa

Subject: Re: To Your Kind Attention.........Confidential

I have no problem helping, but I am a little bit afraid of giving all of my information out. People say that you should not give your information out over the internet. Did you have a copy of that document that you can email to me?

DEAR JOE,

PLEASE UNDER ATTACHMENT YOU WILL FIND THE LEGAL DOCUMENTS AS YOU REQUESTED BUT PLEASE KEEP THEM SECRETLY AND CONFIDENTIAL,PLEASE  DON'T LET ANY THING HAPPEN TO THEM OK,BECAUSE THAT IS OUR HOPE IN LIFE AND FUTURE LEFT TO US BY OUR LATE FATHER OK.

PLEASE ALSO GET BACK TO US WITH YOUR CONTACT DETAILS LIKE WERE YOU LOCATE YOUR AGE YOUR COUNTRY OF ORIGIN YOUR/CELL NUMBER OCCUPATION AND A COPY OF YOUR IDENTITY FOR IDENTIFICATION FOR US TO KNOW YOU BETTER AS OUR PARENT AND BENEFICIARY,PLEASE I WILL ALSO PUT TO YOUR NOTICE HERE THAT MY LITTLE SISTER IS NOT FEELING FINE SHE IS SICK SO PLEASE HELP US AND  DON'T FORGET SHARE OF 30% AND 10% WILL BE FOR ANY EXPENSES YOU MADE PLEASE GET BACK TO US AS SOON AS POSIBLE OK.

GOD BLESS YOU.YOURS CHILDREN PRINCE/PRINCESS. PLEASE YOU CAN CALL US TRUE THIS NUMBER(00233-543-205-218)

From: Joe

To: Prince Musa

Subject: Re: To Your Kind Attention.........Confidential

Well, that seems legitimate to me. But why do you trust me with this? Are you not concerned about getting ripped off? Where did you get my contact information?

Dear Joe,

Thank you veru much for your concern.i trust you bbecause i know you are a very good person,and my spirit tells me that with you i and my younger sister are very safe.

And we got your contact from a noble gentleman that came to our refugee camp who came to give a seminar about THE WORD OF GOD whom we confronted that we are looking for a God-fearing person that is when your data was given to us. Please since you have all the legal Documentations with you now i think what you need to do now is to contact the security company with all your contact details for them to proceed on the delivery.

Please try and also send us your details so we will know you better as our foreign beneficiary,and also don't forget to send us a copy of the email you send to the security company to keep us up date ok.please make sure you keep those Documents confidential with you.

Below is the security company contact it as follow:
NAME OF COMPANY: GERMINI INSURANCE SECURITY COMPANY

Email:g.i.s.c.ghana09@hotmail.com
Cell:00233-243-564-564

PERSON TO CONTACT:IS DR PAUL ADDO

Please contact the security company and get back to us immediately thank you.and also copy us the mail you send to the security company for up date,and also your details cell number for communication,please don't disclose the content of the box to security company because they only know that precious family belonging inside the box ok. Regard.
Prince/Princess
00233-543-205-218

From:Joe

To: Prince Musa

Subject: Re: To Your Kind Attention.........Confidential

Oh, this is not good, \I am not very religious because I was kicked out of church when I was 16 for stealing from the collection plate. Will you still trust me? I won’t rip you off.

Dear Joe,

Greetings and thanks to you for letting me know your person,but that not withstanding i will still entrust the transaction into your care,because i believe in you that with you we are safe ok,thank you. Please go ahead and contact the security company so that the security company can proceed immediately ok,and don't fail to send me a copy of the mail you send to the security company asap.

Please remember don't mention the content to the security company because they do not know the content all they know is precious family belonging inside the box ok.

We wait to hear from you.Yours Prince/Princess.

From: Joe

To: Prince Musa

Oh, don’t get me wrong, I am a really good person. The church didn’t press charges because they made me do community work instead. Other than that, I have only had 2 criminal charges against me which is pretty good. So what do you want me to do? Contact this agency and tell them to send me the chest?

Greetings please contact the agency which is the security company with thier contact below and tell them to tell you what you need to do for them to release the one metallic trunk box to you as our foreign beneficiary ok. Below is the security company contact it as follow: NAME OF COMPANY: GERMINI INSURANCE SECURITY COMPANY Email:g.i.s.c.ghana09@hotmail.com
Cell:00233-243-564-564 PERSON TO CONTACT:IS DR PAUL ADDO

Please contact the security company and get back to us immediately thank you.and also copy us the mail you send to the security company for up date,and also your details cell number for communication,please don't disclose the content of the box to security company because they only know that precious family belonging inside the box ok.

Regard.
Prince/Princess

From: joe

To: g.i.s.c.ghana09@hotmail.com
Subject: chest with gold in it

Dear Doctor Paul Addo,

Hi, my friend Prince and I have a chest full of gold and other stuff there. We need to know how to get it to the USA where I am. My name is Joe Ricco, and I am close friends with Prince and also his sister princess, and they have entrusted me to help them get the chest full of gold. Thanks

FROM THE DESK OF:GERMINI INSURANCE SECURITY:COMPANY GHANA:

Attn Sir Joe, Please we are here to inform you that we receive your email and the contents is well noted and understood.please before we will proceed and agree with you that you are the true beneficiary to those kids we need a proof of Documentations,because the day of deposition by the Depositor we issue a Documents to the Depositor (Mr Ibrahim Musa) as a proof before his death so those Documents must be presented to us before we proceed with you so that we will not make mistake ASAP.

Please i will advice you meet with the (PRINCE)to provide you the legal Documents been issue to his late father because he is the next of kin to his late father,that most be presented by you as the beneficiary to the prince/princess,with that we will be able to ensure that you are the real beneficiary to the kids,and don't fail as well to forward us your contact details as well,like the details we need from you is none as.your full name,complete home address,cell phone number,occupation and the closer airport to your house and international passport or drivers license for Identification.so with this and the Documents we will be able to proceed on the delivery to you, thank you.

Thank you for your understanding and co-operation.
We wait for your respond.Best Regard.Dr Addo Paul
Germini Insurance Security Company.Tel+233-243-564-564

From: Joe

To: Prince Musa

Subject: Re: To Your Kind Attention.........Confidential

ok I sent the email. They should send me the chest soon. Did you want to come here to meet me when we get the money?

Dear Sir,

Greetings and many thanks for your effort so far,may the good lord bless you abordantly.pleasee as soon as you receive the box send for us immediately to come and join you there ok,remember i told you that princess is very sick and she need some medical attention please try and see what you can do to help my little sister to get the medical attention as well thank you.we wait to hear from you sir.

Yours Prince/Princess.

To: g.i.s.c.ghana09@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: FROM GERMINI INSURANCE SECURITY COMPANY?

Hi thank you. You can call Prince at 00233-543-205-218 to confirm all of my information.  He has all of the documentation and can prove that the gold is ours. Also, I  noticed that you are a doctor, can you look at Princess.  She is quite sick and  needs medical attention. I believe that since you are a doctor, you might be  able to help her out.

FROM THE DESK OF:
GERMINI INSURANCE SECURITY:
COMPANY GHANA:

Attn Sir Joe,

Please we are here to inform you that we were able to get in touch with the  Prince for the Documentations and a word from him and he confirm that you are  real,please we are also here to put to your  notice that before we  can proceed  to make the delivery of the one metallic trunk box to you in the STATE .you need  to obtain a SUB-SEQUENT POWER OF ATTORNEY to your name from the HIGH COURT OF  JUSTICE to your name  here in Accra Ghana.

And this will cost you the sum of $500 US Dollars.this will enable us to relocate the ONE METALLIC TRUNK BOX to you in AMERICA without any problem,and we also want you to see attachment with our COMPANY APPLICATION FORMS for you to fill it properly and send it back to us with the sum of $500 us Dollars to our company SECRETARY name  below. Below is our company secretary details to make the payment of the $500 Us  Dollars to get name SUB-SEQUENT POWER OF ATTORNEY done to your name from the High Court Of Justice in Accra Ghana.

NAME:YUSUF BUKATA
ADDRESS:NO2 COMET ACCRA GHANA
AMOUNT:$500 DOLLARS

Best Regard.
Dr Addo Paul
Germini Insurance  Security Company.
Tel+233-243-564-564

To: g.i.s.c.ghana09@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: FROM GERMINI INSURANCE SECURITY COMPANY FOLLOW OUR IN STRUCTURE?

You were able to get ahold of PRince?  Is princess ok, did you help her?  How should I send this money?

To: g.i.s.c.ghana09@hotmail.com

Subject: Re: FROM GERMINI INSURANCE SECURITY COMPANY MAKE THE PAYMENT AND MAKE SURE YOU PRINT OUT THE APPLICATION FORM AND FEEL IT PROPERLY AND SEND IT BACK WITH THE PAYMENT INFO?

Dr. Paul, you did not answer my question, did you help Princess with your medical skills?  This is very important to me, as she is dying.  Once this is done, I will send you the $500. 



FROM THE DESK OF:
GERMINI INSURANCE SECURITY COMPANY GHANA:

Attn Sir Joe,

I though i mention it on my previous mail i send to you,that have been taking care of already and am even thinking the prince have explain that to you as well so she is a little bit ok for now.so you have to make the payment immediately you receive this mail today to enable our legal department to proceed immediately thank you.

Remember you have to make the payment Via Western Union Money Transfer or Money Gram to the name of our secretary which is (YUSUF BUKATA)and send the payment information via email or phone to us.

See Below is our company secretary details to make the payment of the $500 Us  Dollars to get name SUB-SEQUENT  POWER OF ATTORNEY done to your name from the High Court Of Justice in Accra Ghana.

NAME:YUSUF BUKATA
ADDRESS:NO2 COMET ACCRA GHANA
AMOUNT:$500 DOLLARS

Best Regard.Dr Addo Paul
Germini Insurance Security Company.
Tel+233-243-564-564



To: g.i.s.c.ghana09@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: FROM GERMINI INSURANCE SECURITY COMPANY MAKE THE PAYMENT AND MAKE SURE YOU PRINT OUT THE APPLICATION FORM AND FEEL IT PROPERLY AND SEND IT BACK WITH THE PAYMENT INFO?

ok, as long as princess is ok.  The money has been sent to the attention of Yusuf Bukata.  It was sent by Western Gram Money transfer.  Reference number is E6551-339. You will send the chest of gold to me now?


FROM THE DESK OF:
GERMINI INSURANCE SECURITY:
COMPANY GHANA:

Attn Sir Joe,

Please we are here to inform you that we receive  your mail with the REFERENCE NUMBER but the numbers is not correct because the number you present is seven and MONEY GRAM numbers is EIGHT and here is the number you mail to us is (E6551-339)



To: g.i.s.c.ghana09@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: FROM GERMINI INSURANCE SECURITY COMPANY MAKE THE PAYMENT AND MAKE SURE YOU PRINT OUT THE APPLICATION FORM AND FEEL IT PROPERLY AND SEND IT BACK WITH THE PAYMENT INFO?

oh don’t worry, it is ok.  I did not use Moneygram, but rather Western  Gram, which is the one that is in our area.  It has been send and that is the  correct  reference number.  I called them again today to make sure and they said  that it is available and had been sent to you.  Please tell me when you get it.


FROM THE DESK OF:
GERMINI INSURANCE SECURITY:
COMPANY GHANA:
Attn Sir Joe,

Please we need you to send us the payment slip which you use to send  the money together with the application Form we send to you and make sure you  print it out and feel it properly as instructed then send it back to us because  without the Application Form we cannot go to the HIGH COURT to get the  SUB-SEQUENT POWER OF ATTORNEY to your name so the Application Form is very  important asap,please do that now and get back  to us immediately thank you.

To: g.i.s.c.ghana09@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: FROM GERMINI INSURANCE SECURITY  COMPANY MAKE THE PAYMENT AND MAKE SURE YOU PRINT OUT THE APPLICATION FORM AND  FEEL IT PROPERLY AND SEND IT BACK WITH THE PAYMENT INFO?


hi dr paul,
 I had to talk to the Manager there, but they assure me that all of the documents and money are available to your attention.  Please contact the Manager there if you have any more problems: westerngraminfo@aol.com  
 He is expecting your email. Please provide the reference number that I sent you.


FROM THE DESK OF:
GERMINI INSURANCE SECURITY:
COMPANY GHANA:
Attn Sir Joe,

Please  for the very last time if you know you cannot do what we ask you to do i think you better stop messing around with your self ok,we ask you to scan and attach the payment slip from the so called  WESTERN  you refuse,secondly we ask you to print out our company APPLICATION FORM sent to you also you refuse,now you are given us a website which does not even exist?and asking  for the irrelevant  numbers you sent to us.listen and listen good you made the transaction with the WESTERN GRAM so the-same you will contact them  with the numbers ok.and let warn you for the very  last time if you know you want us to proceed go to the so call Western Gram and withdraw your money then send it via western Union or Money gram and if you  refuse then stop contacting us because we have some many works on our desk ok,thank you.

Best Regard.
Dr Addo Paul
Germini Insurance Security Company.
Tel+233-243-564-564


To: g.i.s.c.ghana09@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: FROM GERMINI INSURANCE SECURITY COMPANY MAKE THE PAYMENT AND MAKE SURE YOU PRINT OUT THE APPLICATION FORM AND FEEL IT PROPERLY AND SEND IT BACK WITH THE PAYMENT INFO?

Dr. Paul,
  As I told you, there is millions worth of gold in the chest and I would not risk losing that.  I have not refused to send you anything, and it has all been sent via western gram, and I have been in contact with them and they assure me that everything is fine with the transaction.  I sent you an email address, not a website.  The email is for the Manager there as he said you can contact him directly if you have trouble getting the money that I sent. i tried to switch it, but they said that the money and documents have already been sent.

They said there is a 10% fee for converting it to Western Union.  You can make the payment payable to me by Western Union, and then the $500 will be released to you.

The BEST way to get rid of Graffiti FOR GOOD!!

2009-05-31T07:30:00.000-07:00

I live in Regina, Saskatchewan, the graffiti capital of the World. Everywhere you look, you see "tags" of cryptic names and gang symbols. Apparently, there is some sort of status associated with putting your name on a mail box or bus stop. The worst, of course, is when someone puts their tag on the side of a family's house or fence. Some people have to constantly remove spray paint from their property, only to see it happen again shortly after.

The current most effective method is to remove the "tag" as quickly as possible. The idea behind this is to deter the person from doing it again. Realistically, why would they risk doing it if it will only disappear within 24 hours? Makes sense, but you have to realize that these people do not think logically, or they would not be doing this in the first place.

To effectively combat graffiti, we have to look at the people that are creating the problem. Generally, the creators of graffiti are young men, ages 13-17, maybe 18 at the oldest. Now there are some that are older, but generally, I would deduce that the majority are in this age group. Next, we look at why they do it. They are young men, trying to fit into a group, and trying to look cool to all of their friends who do the same thing. "Hey guys, look at the bus stop, I tagged it. It says my name. It shows that I hang out here. I am now cool."

This is where the psychology comes into play. If you can change the purpose of the "tag," you can prevent the youth from wanting to do it again. How do you do that? You change the "tag" into an insult. What is the most insulting thing that you can call youth trying to fit into a group of other youths? Insulting their status or sexuality. You can also get creative and add your own insults. So, if someone "tags" the mailbox by your house, instead of removing the tag, change the tag into an insult. For example, if "Billy" puts his name on your mailbox, you combat it by spray painting "is gay," or "is a loser" after his name. Billy will certainly think again before tagging that mailbox. If you are lucky, he may even remove the tag himself.

In closing, I want to say a couple of things. First of all, this is not condemning homosexuality in any way. I support peoples' right to choose their own lifestyle. This is simply looking at the psychology of the people creating the graffiti problem. That is what is most insulting to them. Secondly, as much as I think this approach is effective, I don't recommend most people use it, as it could potentially lead to reprisal from the "tagger," or even in some cases, the police.

Letter to the mayor of Regina, Saskatchewan.....

2007-05-06T08:55:00.000-07:00

This is a letter that I am actually going to send to the mayor of Regina, I would have sent it already, but I am pretty sure that he would think that I am completely insane.

I live in a little city called Regina, Saskatchewan, and I know it is boring and needs to get some sort of cultural upgrade to really gain World recognition. I was thinking of some ideas that would accomplish this task when it hit me..... the idea that would really put our city centre stage in the World. So here it is......

wait for it.....

I think we should build a huge monument that would attract visitors from around the World. The monument that I propose would be called "The Leaning Eiffel Tower of Regina." (working title)

Think about it, everyone loves the Eiffel Tower, and everyone loves the Leaning Tower of Pisa. This would combine both into one great Canadian tourist trap. Most likely it will take a few years to really catch on, and someone will be fired from office for making such a wasteful decision, but years from now, the investment will pay off and hundreds of thousands of people will flock to Regina to see this great wonder. I know it sounds crazy, but that is a big part of the charm. People will literally say "I have to see this!!"

The building itself would actually be fairly easy and cheap to create. The Eiffel Tower is mostly just frame, and the one side of the base just has to be made bigger than the other to accomplish the leaning effect. Extra funding could be drawn from the province, the Casino, and various tourist agencies in the area. I would actually consider starting a public fund for this project if I knew how to do it.

Yes, I know this sounds crazy, but aren't all great ideas crazy at first? Las Vegas was created when a man said that he wanted to build a paradise in the middle of the desert, Mount Rushmore was created by a man and some dynamite in the mountains, and let's not forget that the Eiffel Tower itself was almost torn down for scrap metal. I ask you, is the Leaning Eiffel Tower of Regina any crazier than this?

-Joe

300, great movie, but something is not right about it.

2007-03-11T10:16:00.000-07:00

If you know anything about movies, you know that the movie 300 just came out this weekend, and could very well be among the highest grossing films of all time. As an avid movie buff, I felt compelled to be among the thousands of nerds who stood in line for hours to see it on opening night. Before I get into one of my rants, I should let everyone know that I did not stand in line to get seats, I was able to trick the movie theater employees and get in passed the line up. Anyways, on to the rant about this movie......

Don't get me wrong, this movie is good. It is worthy of all the hype, and entertaining as all hell. The problem is not the movie itself, but rather the message behind it. I enjoyed the movie, but when I left the theater, I knew something was wrong with it. It started with the Army propaganda commercial that they showed before the movie. It is the standard commercial that glorified the army life. In all fairness, they show this commercial before all movies now, but the fact that they showed it before this movie struck a cord with me. The parallel is, of course, that this movie is about the Spartan philosophy that there is glory in fighting and dying for your country. Could it be that this movie came out at a perfect time when the government needs more soldiers than ever before, and when they are having trouble finding new soldiers?

The only way they could have made this more obvious is if they would have played another army propaganda commercial at the end of the movie as well.

Dear Prince,

2007-02-01T15:26:00.001-08:00

The artist currently known as Prince has been through alot lately. He has changed his name a few times, and nobody really understood why, or even knew what to call him for a while. He finally changed his name back, and left people wondering what he is going to do next to draw attention to himself. I thought he may need some help with this, so I wrote him this letter.... ENJOY!!

Dear Prince,

I have been following your ploy to draw attention to yourself by changing your name repeatedly, and I must say- well played. You single-handedly proved that a rose beside any other name does NOT smell as sweet. The world now knows that extenuating circumstances such as rampant drug use or sweaty multi-sexual lovemaking can prevent the rose from smelling at all.

All roses aside, I think that you are great at drawing attention to yourself, and I would like to contribute to your cause. Here is a list of some other ideas that will help draw the attention of the general public:

-Start yourself on fire. Sure, Michael Jackson did it already, but not on purpose. If you become the first musician to purposely light yourself on fire, you will be more famous than you ever imagined.
-Protest in support of George W. Bush. It's never been done before. Enough said.
-Change your name again, but this time change it to be the same as someone famous like Arnold Schwarzenner or Oprah. The ensuing law suit will draw more attention than you ever dreamed of.
-Give me a million dollars for no reason at all. Think of the publicity!! The news would report it for months. I get excited just thinking about how much you would benefit from doing this.
-Make some good music. I know, it sounds weird, but you would be surprised what it can do for your career.

No need to thank me for these great ideas, just remember that I am available as a personal image consultant if you need any more help.

Awaiting your reply,

J-Roc

Dear Oprah,

2007-01-04T10:20:00.000-08:00

When you are unemployed, you watch ALOT of television. I don't know if anyone noticed this, but t.v. in the day is different than Primetime. It is a wierd world of psychology and fashion, dominated by this Oprah person that claims to be "Every Woman." I think what she meant to say is that she has the income of every woman. So, I had to send her this letter hitting her up for money.

Dear Oprah,

I had the opportunity to watch your show the other day, and I must say that I am very impressed. You really capture what it is like to be a woman in todays day and age.

As you may have guessed, I am not actually a woman, but I do know many of women, and have even talked to them about emotions, underwear, and other things that they enjoy. I feel like watching your show has made me understand women more, and I would really appreciate it if you would send me $10,000 so that I can show a few women how much I appreciate them by taking them out to supper, buying them drinks, and other related costs that may occur.

Thanks in advance,

J-roc

What ever happened to good-ol-fashion customer service?

2007-01-04T10:01:00.000-08:00

Man, things have changed over the past few years. Back when I was in customer service.... or even employed for that matter, I actually cared about the well-being of the people that came to me for service. Well, sometimes, I had to pretend to care, but at least I pretended. Now, people don't even pretend to care anymore.

I was at McDonalds the other day (devotees will know that I love my McDonalds), and it was a horrible experience, I actually left and went somewhere else. Here is how it went down. I walked in to be greeted by a girl working there that was at least 400 pounds, which is a poor marketing decision on their part. I then waited in line for 10 minutes, and during that time only 1 person got served. Someone spilled a Coke all over the floor and nobody bothered to clean it up, I had to grab a newspaper and make an island to stand on so my shoes wouldn't get wet. Eventually I just walked out and slammed the door on the way out.... I never thought I would be "that guy," but I was.

I am not going to just pick on McDonalds (my favorite place ever), there are other places that offer comparably bad service as well. One story that I am particularly entertained by happened a couple of weeks ago when I was at the local Chapters. I was looking for a couple of books when over the intercom came a voice saying "It is 9:40 and we will be closing in twenty minutes, please take your purchases to the front checkouts." Twenty minutes???? Why would they possibly need people to take their purchases to the front twenty minutes before closing?? Do they have monkeys working the tills? Needless to say, I never purchased anything that day, and rushed out of there as fast as I could because I didn't want them to lock me in the store.

There are more, much more, but I don't want to complain....... just kidding, I love complaining.

Part 2 in my letters to famous people series.

2006-11-25T10:12:00.000-08:00

The Dear Jon letter went over pretty well. This got me thinking.... maybe I can get famous other ways as well. So I decided to write this letter to Conan O'Brien. Enjoy!

Dear Conan O'Brien,

You did it, you finally got promoted to the historical Tonight Show. With all of this success, it could be very easy to forget the show that you created and made famous. Do not let Late Night fade away. You need a succession plan, and a successor to keep the show going. Please consider the following reasons that prove I am that successor.

1. I have an incredibly large head just like yours. This is very important to late night talk shows. The head size establishes a stage dominance that makes it impossible to be distracted by other, insuperior heads. In addition to that, all of the money that you spent configuring your camera equipment to fit your large head onto standard TV screens will not be wasted.

2. I am witty and quick. I can easily come up with jokes on the spot, spouting them out without delay. In the past, this has been very embarrassing and often results in violence, but on late night television, this is instant success!

3. I look good in high definition. How do I know this? I looked at myself in the mirror with binoculars.

4. I am really good at ethically making fun of people. Let's face the facts, insulting people is funny, but you have to do it ethically to be accepted. The secret is making fun of them for things that they can change. If you make fun of someone for having a dead grandmother, that's not funny, but if you make fun of them for going to a fortune teller to talk to said grandmother, that's comedy gold.

5. Finally, I live in a city that is practically the same as yours. New York, New York and Regina, Saskatchewan are very similar. New York is the city that never sleeps, Regina is the city that can't sleep. New York is known as the Big Apple, Regina is known for it's epidemically high rate of Clamydia. Close enough for me!!!

I know that after you read this, you will be as convinced as I am, so I will be expecting your call. Call anytime, I do live in the city that can't sleep.

Dear Jon (Stewart) letter:

2006-11-24T04:30:00.000-08:00

Here is a copy of a letter that I plan to send to Jon Stewart. Feel free to suggest any other points that may just tip the scale in my favour!!!!!!

Dear Jon Stewart,

Let's face the facts, you have had some great correspondents in the past, but they move on, and it seems like there is a little bit of a talent vacuum on the show lately. I think that I should be the new correspondent on your show, and here are 6 reasons that I think you should consider:

1. I can argue anything, and I mean anything. In my incredibly long university career in Political Science, I often argued against the common view just to get a rise out of the people with strong political alignment. You would be surprised at how angry people get when you tell them that sweatshops are good for third world country economies.

2. I can make fundamentalists very mad. As far as I can tell, this is a pre-requisite for punditry, and American politics in general.

3. I am Aesthetically pleasing. Enough said.

4. I am Italian, not the ethnic kind of Italian that is a plumber or a brick-layer, but just the right mix to reap the benefit of thousands of years of benefiting from mistakes. (World War Two, the Leaning Tower of Pisa, Venice)

5. I have actually "worked" for the government, and have inside information that proves democracy does not work.

6. I rarely ever get drunk and yell anti-semitic racial slurs. Infact, I have never even met any Jewish people. For some reason, Regina, Saskatchewan is not a popular Jewish destination.

So I ask you to kindly consider these points. I think there may just be a future for me on your show, and I promise I won't abandon you for lucrative careers like your other correspondents did.

What's this..... more politics.. dont worry, its parody now!

2006-11-23T18:51:00.000-08:00

So in my efforts to reach the end of this Internet thing, I have stumbled upon a little site called Unicyclopedia. So this site is basically a parody of Wikipedia, where anyone can parody anything. So I did it, I give you my articles:

The 2007 Impeachment of George W. Bush:
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Bush_impeachment

American Politics:
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/American_politics

Let's talk politics......

2006-11-22T10:50:00.000-08:00

Many of you already know that I like to talk politics from time to time. Today I would like to tackle a sensitive issue for all of my American fans. This is, of course, the Impeachment of George W. Bush.

Now many of you may wonder why I would want to tackle such a sensitive topic, but it is really not a sensitive topic at all. I am not saying that George W. Bush should be put in jail, or punished in any way, but he must be impeached, and must not be allowed to finish his term in office. This is may embarass him, and harm his "good name," but is essential in ensuring the integrity of the American Democratic system.

People know that he lied, and they know that he has done more harm to the country than good, but many people do not care, or do very little about it. He has the lowest approval rating of all American Presidents in the history of the country, and has lead the Republicans to one of the most embarassing losses in Congress. He has started 2 wars that he cannot finish, and in which thousands of people have died. In doing this, he has also challenged the American position of the only Superpower in the world, and also shown significant vulnerability that will jeopardize their power for thousands of years.

A message must be sent to future leaders of the country to ensure that they know that they will only act in the best interest of the people being governed. If Bush gets impeached, even one month before his term ends, this message will be sent, and the American Democracy will be safe.

The World's Funniest Joke

2006-11-18T08:49:00.000-08:00

CNN recently did an article on a study that established the World's funniest joke, and here it is:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesnt seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed over. The other guy takes out his cell phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps "My freind is dead! What can I do?"
The Operator says: "Calm Down, I can help. First, make sure he is dead."

There is silence, then a gunshot is heard, the guy comes back on the phone and says: "OK, now what."

Not too bad at all. The reason why this was found to be the funniest joke in the World is because it does not have any cultural barriers that prevent it from being funny to different cultures. So there may be a joke about Paris Hilton that will make you laugh more, but it would not rank on this list because people from Uganda will not understand it.

Of course, if someone was to play devil's advocate, they would say that these results are biased by the fact that the study was done online, so really this is just "the funniest written joke among people that spend time on the internet."

Here is a link to the actual article if anyone is interested: http://archives.cnn.com/2002/TECH/science/10/03/joke.funniest/index.html

Bush sings U2?

2006-11-16T16:19:00.000-08:00

I came accross this awesome video that someone made of Goerge W. Bush singing a U2 song. It must have taken a long time to make, but is hilarious. Check it out....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kKN92DASn0

Hey McDonald's, I got something you can eat!

2006-11-16T08:42:00.000-08:00

Here is a copy of a recent complaint that I sent to McDonald's.... or I would have sent if they had any damn email addresses in Canada.

I love McDonalds, but let's be honest, the relationship is definitely dysfunctional. Like a codependant lover, I just keep going back for more and more abuse. Abuse you ask? How can a restaurant abuse a person? Is this some sort of bizarre world where the burgers eat the people? Hardly. I am talking about the abuse that we as customers get every time we set foot in that place.

First of all, when we walk in there we get treated like garbage. Except in instances of economic recession (see my first post). Then, we try to order breakfast, but for some reason you can only order breakfast for a brief period between 6:45 Am and 7:00 Am, and you wonder why less and less people are eating your food? Hey Ronald, I have a business proposal for you: If people want to eat your crap food, LET THEM. People have been getting pissed off about your strict breakfast guidelines for decades, why don't you just offer all day breakfast and make everyone happy!! Do not give me the excuse that an egg is too hard to make, or I might just slap you in the mouth.

To add a little fuel to the fire, I went to McDonald's last night and tried to order an ice cream. Do you want to guess what happened? You know it, they would not let me order it. I miss the good old days when a restaurant would let you buy food when you ask for it, but I guess things don't work like that anymore.

In conclusion, I would like to summarize that the biggest threat to fast food is not trendy diets, or extremely biased movies about the risks of eating there, but rather the companies themselves providing poor service and not listening to the explicit cues of the wants of their customers.

My Addiction

2006-10-22T09:45:00.000-07:00

In my quest to find some use for this "Internet" thing, I have stumbled upon a program that has changed my life. It is called Stumble Upon. This program is amazing, and I have become extremely addicted to it.

Here is how it works. You download it from Cnet, it asks you a few questions about what your interests are, then you hit the stumble button and it takes you to a random website that it thinks you will like based on your preferences. When you are there, you click whether you like the site or not, then it remembers what you like. The amazing thing is, most of the websites it takes you to are awesome!!! For me so far, I would say that I have liked 95% of the sites it has taken me to. It is very entertaining, and I recommend it to everyone.

Some great ways to save money!!!!!

2006-10-19T08:32:00.000-07:00

I pride myself on trying to make funny and entertaining posts on here. Maybe I am pretty successful.... maybe I am not, but there is nothing funny about this post. This is about saving money.... and exercising your rights as a consumer.

As a former banker, and current unemployed blogger, I have to stretch my pennies as much as possible. To quote Carl Weathers in Arrested Development, "Whoa, Whoa, whoa. There's plenty of meat on that bone. Now you take this home, throw it in a pot, a potato. Baby, you've got a stew going. " If you want to save money, you have to think like Carl Weathers... or some other out-of-work actor.

These 3 principles of saving money are based on utilizing your rights as a consumer. I do not want anyone to abuse them, but you should know your rights and use them when appropriate!!

#1.
Here is the first way to save money. Any time you see something on sale for a great price, go to Future shop, or some other store that does price matching, and buy it there. They do a price match and then beat the price by 10% of the difference. Its a good deal, and the bigger the difference in price, the more money you save. I find it works best with video games because their prices are almost always behind in price drops. Here is an example of my most recent one:

Dead or Alive 4 for x-box 360 - price $69.99
price drop at Walmart $18.89
minus 10% difference -$5.10
price I paid = $13.79

Pretty sweet deal I think. So use it as much as you can, and you will save a fortune.

#2.
Number 2 is a very little known way to save money. There is a little something in Canada called the Retail Council of Canada. If the store that you are shopping at is a member of the Councel, they have pricing policies that they should be following. The most significant, if an item rings up at a higher price than the price on the shelf, the item is free up to a $10 value. If it is more expensive than that, $10 is deducted from the corrected price.

http://www.retailcouncil.org

#3.
The Third way--- Complain, complain, complain.

Here is a nice template that I use for most of my complaints. This has never failed, and most likely will never fail because any properly trained manager will try to do their best to make things right with their customers. Try it out next time you are unhappy with the service you receive:

I would like to express a complaint that I have with (Insert Company name here). I would like to tell you that (Insert Grievance here). I feel that this service is not what should be expected from a company that is supposed to be a leader in customer service. I am strongly considering canceling my service and moving to another service provider. I am writing this email because I am a dedicated (Company Name) customer that has almost every product that you offer, and I would like to give you an opportunity to retain me as a customer.

Now, use these tips wisely, they are very powerful. They should only be used when you receive poor service or an insuperior product. You want to exercise every right that you have as a consumer, but you don't want to abuse the kindness of others.

Things that I have gotten free with this method are: A free meal at an expensive restaurant, a free meal at a cheap restaurant (McDonalds), A free month of cable, a free Nerf football, free T.V. dinners, and a few others that I can't remember right now.

Anger Management

2006-10-13T17:10:00.000-07:00

I have taken it upon myself to try to control my anger. Before you go thinking that I am a rage-o-holic, there is really only one thing that really gets my blood boiling..... other drivers! Everytime I set foot in my car, I know that I am going to encounter some idiots that are going to make me really, really angry.

Since I have taken the initiative to control my anger, I am no longer blinded with rage whenever I am on the road. I can now take a more critical approach to understand what is going on in the mind of the other drivers on the road. My new insight has taught me that there is no logical thought in their minds. As soon as people get behind the wheel, they lose all logic and consideration. Many will not even do the most basic gesture of consideration- turning on their signal light. Some are even worse, they will cut you off without signaling and then signal when they change out of your lane. In my mind, there is no other explanation for this, it is either an explicit act of aggression, or total lack of consideration for other people.

Some funny links

2006-10-11T01:01:00.000-07:00

Here are a couple of good links that I want to share:

George W. Bush falling or something (if he gets stuck just click on him and move him)
http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/georgie.htm

The best of Borat from before he was famous here (this is like a half hour long)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFP-MktgOKU&mode=related&search =

Enjoy!!! Anoyone who knows me would have likely seen the Borat one before. I have been a fan for years.

Finally some recognition

2006-10-11T00:37:00.000-07:00

I like to think that I am deserving of at least 40 or 50 different types of awards, and it looks like at least one other person in the world agrees with me.

I have now been awarded the "Editor's Choice Award" by Poetry.com and the International Library of Poetry.

Before you join me in celebration, I should tell you that I am pretty sure that they give this award to anyone that sends them a submission. (I assume that they get people to submit, tell them they won an award and then get them to buy the book with their poem in it- dont worry, I never bought the book.)

So how do I know that this is a scam. Simple, my poem does not make any sense.... and it even includes words that I made up on the spot. Regardless of that fact, I am still an international award winner, and I intend to use that to its full potential.

So, without further Adeiu, I give you my award winning poem:

Intercarnitation

Why must we stop doing what we never do.
When will we start doing that which we have already done.
How can we expect to do that which we have never stopped.
The answer is in the eyes of our children.

Beautiful isn't it? I had a tear in my eye when I was posting this, I really did.

Follow my lead, become an award winning poet. It is not hard to do at all, and it looks good on a resume (you bet your ass I put it on there).

I found it. Here is the famous ebay posting

2006-10-09T11:15:00.000-07:00

THIS IS AMAZING!!!!! UP FOR AUCTION IS THIS RARE GUMBALL THAT APPEARS TO LOOK LIKE G.W.B.111111

Don't let this opportunity pass you by!!!! NO RESERVE!!!!!

I was cleaning my house and came across this incredible find between the cushions of my couch. I picked it up and right away ran to my computer to confim my find. I looked up a couple of pictures of George W. Bush, and as I suspected, the gumball (in my opinion) resembled him to a tee. The money earned from this auction will be put towards my tuition for my last year of college.

DETAILS -The gumball itself is orange flavour and is in PERFECT condition -The craftsmanship is of medium quality, and the head is not perfectly round (on the gumball, not on GWB) Thanks for looking at my auction -Shipping is set at $5 worldwide (will not ship to the middle east out of fear for the gumball's existence) -Buyer pays insurance -Shipping insurance is recommended as the gumball is fairly fragile

SERIOUS BIDS ONLY PLEASE!!!! FAILURE TO PAY WILL RESULT IN NEGATIVE FEEDBACK!

Legal disclosure: Neither myself nor the gumball have any affiliation with George W. Bush. Neither of us approve of or disapprove of his appointment to or decisions made in office. I do NOT recommend eating GWB or the gumball (although the gumball should be safe to eat). Opinion of the resemblance of the gumball to George W. Bush is only an opinion and is not meant to be an insult in any way.

Halloween Costume Idea

2006-10-07T10:46:00.000-07:00

I have to get some entertaining posts on here so that some people will start reading it. So here is a little Halloween costume idea that I stumbled across. Seems innocent enough, but I am curious...... what is holding that joystick up?

Halloween Hijinx

2006-10-07T01:23:00.000-07:00

A couple of years ago I had an idea. My idea was to start an ebay posting with a political activist undertone. You see it all the time, somebody puts something dumb for sale on ebay and it sells for a fortune. So I decided to put something on there that would be both funny and also political(since I was a political science student at the time). I found a halloween gumball that was made to look like a jackolantern and noticed that it looked alot like George W. Bush. So I made the picture shown, and put the gumball for sale on ebay. (I will try to find the actual ebay posting to put on here). I made up a bunch of funny lines for the sale and surprisingly, I got some great responses. People thought it was hilarious and emailed me a bunch of funny questions about it. The funniest thing is, it actually does look a little bit like him.

I remember that I closed the auction off by saying, "I will not ship this gumball to any countries in the middle east out of fear for the safety of the gumball."

Here it is. The start of something great. You might want to sit down for this.

2006-10-07T00:58:00.000-07:00

I dont know how many people are out there reading these things, but I do know that I want you to read mine.

Here is what I offer..... some humour, some insight into the world, and maybe just a little bit of what is going on in my head. Not a lot, but I know that I can make you laugh and make you think a little bit while I am at it. I know I am destined for great things soon, but I am really unsure of what those things are at this point. This may be a bit of a journey for all of us.

Let's get started with a little something that I have been thinking about for a long time. I call it my "McDonalds Theory of Economics." Sounds weird right? Maybe it is, maybe there is no true correlation between McDonalds and the economy..... but I think it has some potential. So, here is how it goes. I have determined that there is some sort of connection between the service you get at McDonalds and the state of the economy in your city or state. It's simple. If the economy is doing well, the service that you get at McDonalds is very poor. If the economy is in a state of decline or recession, the service that you get at McDonalds is very good. This is caused by the fact that if the economy is doing really well, the better people will be employed in jobs that reflect their potential. If the economy is in a state of recession, there will be less jobs available, and as a result, people that should be employed in better jobs are forced to work at McDonalds.

Needless to say, that the economy in my city right now is through the roof, because the last few times I have been to McDonalds have been shit. I am no investment professional (I am actually an investment professional by the way), but I say you may want to rethink the investment portfolio if you get good service at McDonalds.